My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
