im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
