Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My bed smells like the plague
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
