Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
