OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
