Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
