if i can run in heels then i can drive
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
