it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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