Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
