i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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