youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
