Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
