can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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