she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
