i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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