i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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