hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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