No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
