I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
