he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
