Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
