Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
