my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
