I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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