tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
