yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
