why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
please don't ironically join a cult
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