I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
