Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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