For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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