everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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