So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
