When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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