you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
