well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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