im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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