In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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