i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
