the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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