i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
