You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
