yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
