Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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