If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
