He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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