I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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