I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
