He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
