a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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