Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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