I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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